Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
