Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
So much Jack, so little girl.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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