the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
