I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
