can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You're like the curious george of whores
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
