I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I miss vodka workout Fridays
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
They left me at home... I'm a liability
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
