After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
