she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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