Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
