Define "chronic" masturbator.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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