Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
