I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize