I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
