I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
