its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
