yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize