what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize