i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
The beer is more important than you right now.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
This baby is an asshole
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
