now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
this boner is exhausting
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
