It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
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