I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
