i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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