he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize