Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Randomize
