I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
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