There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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