I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He? As in you personified your dick?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
