New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
