Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
be right there i have to get my cape
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
