very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
accomplished twins. life is a go
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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