4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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