My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
