So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize