i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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