...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
So here I am, sexting at work.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
