take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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