I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize