I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize