I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
