Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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