Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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