The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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