hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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