Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
it's great music for shaving your balls
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Randomize
