Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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