I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize