The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize