All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Randomize
