i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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