Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
okay pat passed out under dana's car
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Randomize