I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
