I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
