I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
