Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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