so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Randomize
