well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
