my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize