Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Randomize
