So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
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