I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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