homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
