R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
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