I faked an abortion last night.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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