Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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