Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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