Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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