I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
