woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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