we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
