A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
