Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
