College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
