What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
