Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
