How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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