i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
