Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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