He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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