there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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