A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
