the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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