I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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