You're my little dorito
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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