If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
