Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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