its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
