It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
