11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
