I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, donβt meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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