what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
