I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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