ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
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