Christians are straight up FREAKS
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize