I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
